Sometimes...

i just get real tired... the kinda tired where you're not sleepy, just heavy feeling... but not like overweight...

i guess i feel like in this life i want to do so much... only i feel as though i am only capable of doing so little... i want to make the world a better place only i am part of the problem... i want people to see God through me though i am sometimes ashamed for someone to look at me...

i wonder if me feeling tired sometimes comes from me trying to be something i am not... trying to be a perfect friend, a perfect husband, a perfect leader (if you are my friend/wife/co-worker then you know i am far from these - hah)... i hate getting hit in the face with the fact that i could make mistakes... i feel as though i should have my stuff together better than i do...

i don't know where i get this idea from that i can't make mistakes but it does make me, well, tired...

as i sit and write this though, I am forced to realize it is my own short comings that gently pointed me towards our God anyways... it was the realization that this picture of my life and more importantly the world was not "right" without Him...

so in this moment like many moments before i ask for God to remind me who i am... that i am a child of God... that my perfection comes through what Christ did, not what I do... i ask him to gently offer His embrace... for His comfort... for His peace... i ask him to remind me that i am not meant to be one who does not need a Savior... that i, alone, am not meant to be one who is a "perfect" anything...

i pray tonight as i am tired... that i would rest easy... i pray i could accept my short comings... and maybe even be thankful for them pointing me towards my need for a Savior... i pray i would keep in perspective that i am only a follower, but that i would follow Him closely...

so the journey continues...