Tuesday, December 27, 2005

So I've always been a secret Chuck Norris fan...

Today I found this here...

I cried... really funny...

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

6. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

7. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

8. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

9. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

10. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

11. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

12. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

13. Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.

14. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

15. Chuck Norris has perfected faster-than-light travel. He won't give the patent to NASA until all of their employees grow beards.

16. Chuck Norris does not use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the acutal spelling of it.

17. Chuck Norris can cause a forest fire just using the magical properties of his beard, he can then, if he chooses, extinguish the fire by roundhouse kicking it.

18. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a waitress because his steak didn't have a beard.

19. Chuck Norris laughed so hard while watching Black Hawk Down that he had to leave the theater. Well, he didn't have to, obviously, but he was feeling especially generous that day because he had already killed so many people.

Hope you enjoy...



Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Anonymous said...